The Big C

Well, let's just say that 2010 has been a rather shitty year. No other way to really put it...we've closed our family business, have been ruined financially, battled overwhelming depression, dealt with emotional children, have had parents with severe medical problems and just when we thought things might be looking up, the rug gets pulled out from under us.

After we had to close the business we were of the many millions of Americans left without medical insurance. I was most worried about our children, thank God they are mostly healthy but with them both playing sports you never know what could happen. Family members helped out and don't know what we would do without them. Lynn's medication cost over $500 per month!

In late June the company Lynn had been interviewing with since April finally got the green light to bring him on board. Yippee! We were elated! Lynn was able to negotiate medical coverage after 30 days rather than the typical 90 day waiting period. He started after the 4Th of July holiday and finally at the beginning of August I was able to breathe a sigh of relief with our coverage now in effect. First phone call was to get the kids' physicals and get Lynn in to see his doctor, and oh yeah, then came me.

In the beginning of July I began experiencing some "issues." Not wanting to get graphic, let's just say they were not normal and were extremely "unpleasant." At the beginning of August I called my OB, it had been four and a half years since I'd been to see her, (I know, I know bad girl) but I scheduled my appointment for September 23, the soonest I could get in to see her.

The "unpleasant issues" persisted up to my appointment and when I told my doctor, she said "well, that's not right" (I knew that already:) and she was going to give me some medicine to stop the "issues." Yeah! She also decided to do a biopsy just as a precaution. OUCH! Left the office, prescription in hand and thought nothing of it.

The following Tuesday, September 28, I got a phone call that I never expected to receive. Dr. Smith called and told me that I had endometrial cancer. "What?," I said, "Can you repeat that?", and she did and was kind and compassionate and explained that she was sending my file to an oncologist who would be taking over my case. After about a five minute phone call I was still trying to get my head around the whole "I have cancer" diagnosis.

As most of you that know me, I can be emotional and let's just say the wheels came off. I called my husband, who couldn't really understand what I was saying. I called my mother, who started crying and insisting that I see another doctor because she was sure I was misdiagnosed. I called my girlfriends who started crying and asking a thousand questions.

Dr. Smith had said she was sending my information to Dr. Matt Powell and that I should call him in a little while to set up an appointment for the next steps. After about 20 minutes I called his office and his nurse was already looking over my file and ready to help. What a relief! I scheduled an appointment for the following day, Wednesday.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep much that night. A thousand and one thoughts and scenarios racing through my head. I didn't want to leave my children motherless. I didn't want to die before my parents, that damn Tim McGraw song kept playing over and over in my mind, and while I didn't want to go skydiving or ride a bull named Fu Manchu, there are still a lot of things I do want to do, and gosh darn it, I'm only 42!

The next day brought the appointment with Dr. Powell. Lynn and my mom insisted upon going, I am after all incapable of asking the appropriate questions :)....I appreciated their support but both of them can stress me out in an already stressful situation. Dr. Powell examined me again, OUCH!, and said that he was also sending my slides to the Siteman Cancer Center just for confirmation. WHAT! You mean this could all be a joke, maybe I don't have cancer, maybe it's something else. Then he did explain that if in fact the pathology was confirmed what was going to happen next. Total hysterectomy and depending upon what they find once they are "inside" (yuck), whether or not lymph nodes would taken as well. He said he believed it to be early stage, but again, until they are "in" there they really wouldn't know.

"So when can we do this?" I asked, "I'm not busy this weekend." I didn't want this stuff inside me for another minute. Dr. Powell explained that I would need a few more tests and blood work and that Friday, October 15 was our surgery date. Oh, by the way, did I mention that all my life I have gone to women OB's, never a man, just trust women a little more and plus I didn't want a man "fooling" around down there. Well, Dr. Powell is wonderful, very personable, warm AND good looking. This just sucks in soooo many ways.

Well, I had more tests that day, an external and internal ultrasound where my right ovary was playing hide and seek and the doctor was practically stabbing me with the probe. After about four hours we left with a little glimmer of hope that Siteman might come back with a "just kidding you don't have cancer" diagnosis.

Friday, October 1, Dr. Powell's office calls Siteman confirms diagnosis. SHIT@! Now I REALLY have cancer!

It has been so strange. In some ways I don't feel different except now I tired pretty easily and need frequent naps. That could be stress I suppose. Nighttime is the worse for me. My head starts spinning with "what ifs" and I become overwhelmed and cry. I've had a few breakdowns and Lynn has been supportive. We told the kids and tried not to make it seem to dire but to also have them understand that our lives may change. We are praying for the best. Keeping positive thoughts. I notice Olivia becoming more emotional and that usually means she is scared. Hadden has been more helpful and understanding. My mother has been working her fingers to the bone trying to help me ready for the surgery. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, getting after the kids. I don't know what I would do without her.

My friends have also been wonderful. Candy and Gay are my two "wingmen." I know I can count on them for everything. Debbie, Mary, Lisa and my friends through community have been absolutely wonderful and supportive. We went our for a "I have cancer" dinner and were able to laugh and blow off a little steam. I am very blessed.

So I write this two nights before I go in to the hospital. I am hopeful that God will watch over me and all of the nurses and doctors that are caring for me. I pray that the cancer is in the early stages and that I will not have to have chemo or radiation. I pray.

Our family has been through a lot this year. The stress trifecta I was calling it. But one thing I never expected was this......cancer.