Well, let's just say that 2010 has been a rather shitty year. No other way to really put it...we've closed our family business, have been ruined financially, battled overwhelming depression, dealt with emotional children, have had parents with severe medical problems and just when we thought things might be looking up, the rug gets pulled out from under us.
After we had to close the business we were of the many millions of Americans left without medical insurance. I was most worried about our children, thank God they are mostly healthy but with them both playing sports you never know what could happen. Family members helped out and don't know what we would do without them. Lynn's medication cost over $500 per month!
In late June the company Lynn had been interviewing with since April finally got the green light to bring him on board. Yippee! We were elated! Lynn was able to negotiate medical coverage after 30 days rather than the typical 90 day waiting period. He started after the 4Th of July holiday and finally at the beginning of August I was able to breathe a sigh of relief with our coverage now in effect. First phone call was to get the kids' physicals and get Lynn in to see his doctor, and oh yeah, then came me.
In the beginning of July I began experiencing some "issues." Not wanting to get graphic, let's just say they were not normal and were extremely "unpleasant." At the beginning of August I called my OB, it had been four and a half years since I'd been to see her, (I know, I know bad girl) but I scheduled my appointment for September 23, the soonest I could get in to see her.
The "unpleasant issues" persisted up to my appointment and when I told my doctor, she said "well, that's not right" (I knew that already:) and she was going to give me some medicine to stop the "issues." Yeah! She also decided to do a biopsy just as a precaution. OUCH! Left the office, prescription in hand and thought nothing of it.
The following Tuesday, September 28, I got a phone call that I never expected to receive. Dr. Smith called and told me that I had endometrial cancer. "What?," I said, "Can you repeat that?", and she did and was kind and compassionate and explained that she was sending my file to an oncologist who would be taking over my case. After about a five minute phone call I was still trying to get my head around the whole "I have cancer" diagnosis.
As most of you that know me, I can be emotional and let's just say the wheels came off. I called my husband, who couldn't really understand what I was saying. I called my mother, who started crying and insisting that I see another doctor because she was sure I was misdiagnosed. I called my girlfriends who started crying and asking a thousand questions.
Dr. Smith had said she was sending my information to Dr. Matt Powell and that I should call him in a little while to set up an appointment for the next steps. After about 20 minutes I called his office and his nurse was already looking over my file and ready to help. What a relief! I scheduled an appointment for the following day, Wednesday.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep much that night. A thousand and one thoughts and scenarios racing through my head. I didn't want to leave my children motherless. I didn't want to die before my parents, that damn Tim McGraw song kept playing over and over in my mind, and while I didn't want to go skydiving or ride a bull named Fu Manchu, there are still a lot of things I do want to do, and gosh darn it, I'm only 42!
The next day brought the appointment with Dr. Powell. Lynn and my mom insisted upon going, I am after all incapable of asking the appropriate questions :)....I appreciated their support but both of them can stress me out in an already stressful situation. Dr. Powell examined me again, OUCH!, and said that he was also sending my slides to the Siteman Cancer Center just for confirmation. WHAT! You mean this could all be a joke, maybe I don't have cancer, maybe it's something else. Then he did explain that if in fact the pathology was confirmed what was going to happen next. Total hysterectomy and depending upon what they find once they are "inside" (yuck), whether or not lymph nodes would taken as well. He said he believed it to be early stage, but again, until they are "in" there they really wouldn't know.
"So when can we do this?" I asked, "I'm not busy this weekend." I didn't want this stuff inside me for another minute. Dr. Powell explained that I would need a few more tests and blood work and that Friday, October 15 was our surgery date. Oh, by the way, did I mention that all my life I have gone to women OB's, never a man, just trust women a little more and plus I didn't want a man "fooling" around down there. Well, Dr. Powell is wonderful, very personable, warm AND good looking. This just sucks in soooo many ways.
Well, I had more tests that day, an external and internal ultrasound where my right ovary was playing hide and seek and the doctor was practically stabbing me with the probe. After about four hours we left with a little glimmer of hope that Siteman might come back with a "just kidding you don't have cancer" diagnosis.
Friday, October 1, Dr. Powell's office calls Siteman confirms diagnosis. SHIT@! Now I REALLY have cancer!
It has been so strange. In some ways I don't feel different except now I tired pretty easily and need frequent naps. That could be stress I suppose. Nighttime is the worse for me. My head starts spinning with "what ifs" and I become overwhelmed and cry. I've had a few breakdowns and Lynn has been supportive. We told the kids and tried not to make it seem to dire but to also have them understand that our lives may change. We are praying for the best. Keeping positive thoughts. I notice Olivia becoming more emotional and that usually means she is scared. Hadden has been more helpful and understanding. My mother has been working her fingers to the bone trying to help me ready for the surgery. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, getting after the kids. I don't know what I would do without her.
My friends have also been wonderful. Candy and Gay are my two "wingmen." I know I can count on them for everything. Debbie, Mary, Lisa and my friends through community have been absolutely wonderful and supportive. We went our for a "I have cancer" dinner and were able to laugh and blow off a little steam. I am very blessed.
So I write this two nights before I go in to the hospital. I am hopeful that God will watch over me and all of the nurses and doctors that are caring for me. I pray that the cancer is in the early stages and that I will not have to have chemo or radiation. I pray.
Our family has been through a lot this year. The stress trifecta I was calling it. But one thing I never expected was this......cancer.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Oh, how things have changed.....
Today I attended the year end pep assembly up at my son's high school....while sitting and watching the production, I couldn't help but reflect on what a different educational experience my children are having. It is so different from what my husband and I both had growing up.
My children have such wonderful teachers and administrators that have worked intensely on developing relationships with them built on trust and respect. At my high school, most teachers, not all but most certainly a majority, taught through intimidation and fear. I know the times now are different and that education has changed greatly, but I can't help but feel that my generation really missed out.
I need to start off by saying that I have the utmost respect for the teaching profession. Heck, at one time I wanted to be a teacher. I even spent the two years of my college education in pursuit of an elementary education degree. I was dead sure that teaching was my calling, dead sure until I completed my sophomore year of student/teacher aiding. I went back to Henry School and worked under my second grade teacher, Mrs. Smolz. Mrs. Smolz was one of my favorite teachers. She was kind and gentle yet demanding of her students. Well, as demanding as a second grade teacher could be. And she could wiggle her ears which I could as well. We were kindred spirits. About an hour into my first day, I realized that teaching wasn't for me. By the end of the week I had made the decision to drop out of college, take some time off and reevaluate my academic career.
I won't dull you with the details, but fast forward 22 years and I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up....need to figure that out soon. I still consider my lack of a college degree to be my biggest disappointment. (well, that and my waistline.) I feel I am intelligent enough (though I sweated through college algebra), I just never went back to complete a degree. Life just got in the way.
So, back to today's assembly. Pep assemblies in my era consisted of the cheerleaders, poms, band, jocks, etc. Cheerleaders would do some cheers ("West is Best"), the poms would shake their poms, the jocks would strut, etc., etc. There wasn't much to the assemblies, very low production value. A long roll of paper and some paint was about as "big" as it got. On a scale of one to ten, I would rate them about a minus two. The biggest "deal" of our assemblies was hearing of who tried to skip out on them and leave school. There were always stories of kids getting "busted" in the parking lot by one principal or another. I was always too afraid to try it.
It has been 24 years since I was in high school. 24 years is a looooong time. Not only has education improved but the assemblies are astonishing! First off, this production (and I am calling it a production) was almost two hours long. The district brings in lighting towers. Not just one but four, four overhead lighting towers. Colored lights, black lights, strobe lights. There might have even been lasers, but I could have been having a flash back to one of the Planetariums light shows. (Remember those?) Next, the sound system, oh yeah, the sound system could rival any concert put on by any headlining rock/hip hop/country group today. Confetti canons, cascading balloons from the ceiling, etc. The students along with faculty help write, direct and produce the entire production. There were multiple singing and dancing acts. (It was rumored that the kids who performed the Lady Gaga skit spent over $1,000 for the costumes.) The teachers and staff danced (this would have never occurred in my time.) The superintendent was on hand to help hand out academic achievement awards. Hundreds of students were recognized for their hard work in and out of the classroom.
As I walked out with a group of parents, many of us had our jaws dragging the floor. We all said how wonderful it was to see a high school, students, teachers, administrators, come together to celebrate their wonderful school community. All of us said how much we wish our high school experience had been like this.
I just wonder what the schools will be like in another 24 years...I imagine I may have grandchildren by then.... and if I do, I am going to their assemblies!
My children have such wonderful teachers and administrators that have worked intensely on developing relationships with them built on trust and respect. At my high school, most teachers, not all but most certainly a majority, taught through intimidation and fear. I know the times now are different and that education has changed greatly, but I can't help but feel that my generation really missed out.
I need to start off by saying that I have the utmost respect for the teaching profession. Heck, at one time I wanted to be a teacher. I even spent the two years of my college education in pursuit of an elementary education degree. I was dead sure that teaching was my calling, dead sure until I completed my sophomore year of student/teacher aiding. I went back to Henry School and worked under my second grade teacher, Mrs. Smolz. Mrs. Smolz was one of my favorite teachers. She was kind and gentle yet demanding of her students. Well, as demanding as a second grade teacher could be. And she could wiggle her ears which I could as well. We were kindred spirits. About an hour into my first day, I realized that teaching wasn't for me. By the end of the week I had made the decision to drop out of college, take some time off and reevaluate my academic career.
I won't dull you with the details, but fast forward 22 years and I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up....need to figure that out soon. I still consider my lack of a college degree to be my biggest disappointment. (well, that and my waistline.) I feel I am intelligent enough (though I sweated through college algebra), I just never went back to complete a degree. Life just got in the way.
So, back to today's assembly. Pep assemblies in my era consisted of the cheerleaders, poms, band, jocks, etc. Cheerleaders would do some cheers ("West is Best"), the poms would shake their poms, the jocks would strut, etc., etc. There wasn't much to the assemblies, very low production value. A long roll of paper and some paint was about as "big" as it got. On a scale of one to ten, I would rate them about a minus two. The biggest "deal" of our assemblies was hearing of who tried to skip out on them and leave school. There were always stories of kids getting "busted" in the parking lot by one principal or another. I was always too afraid to try it.
It has been 24 years since I was in high school. 24 years is a looooong time. Not only has education improved but the assemblies are astonishing! First off, this production (and I am calling it a production) was almost two hours long. The district brings in lighting towers. Not just one but four, four overhead lighting towers. Colored lights, black lights, strobe lights. There might have even been lasers, but I could have been having a flash back to one of the Planetariums light shows. (Remember those?) Next, the sound system, oh yeah, the sound system could rival any concert put on by any headlining rock/hip hop/country group today. Confetti canons, cascading balloons from the ceiling, etc. The students along with faculty help write, direct and produce the entire production. There were multiple singing and dancing acts. (It was rumored that the kids who performed the Lady Gaga skit spent over $1,000 for the costumes.) The teachers and staff danced (this would have never occurred in my time.) The superintendent was on hand to help hand out academic achievement awards. Hundreds of students were recognized for their hard work in and out of the classroom.
As I walked out with a group of parents, many of us had our jaws dragging the floor. We all said how wonderful it was to see a high school, students, teachers, administrators, come together to celebrate their wonderful school community. All of us said how much we wish our high school experience had been like this.
I just wonder what the schools will be like in another 24 years...I imagine I may have grandchildren by then.... and if I do, I am going to their assemblies!
Monday, April 12, 2010
i'll get you my pretty and your little dog too....
every spring the earth awakes from it's winter slumber and life begins again....as i have watched outside these last many months, it is a welcoming distraction from the chaos that has become my life....job loss, financial instability, family health issues, kid issues, all make me feel like i am one step ahead of a speeding train that is about to run me over. after speaking to many friends, they tell me they feel the same way, and while comforting to know this, i am almost scare to admit outloud that i have never been more afraid in my life.
after moving back to st. louis almost eight years ago and purchasing the family business from my father, lynn and I (but mostly Lynn) have been battling to make the business successful and profitable. after all these years, setbacks, challenges and battles, it has become clear that continuing is not going to happen for us. as with most company failures, there isn't just one reason why it has failed, but several, the major being employee scrap and lack of committment, not lack of work mind you...we have more work than we can handle..... in these times how terrible is that?
everything we have, every dollar we have saved, has been invested in the company. In September, 2008 we both stopped taking paychecks to reinvest the money back in the company. we cashed in every investment, retirement account, etc., to live off of these last 18 months to try to keep the company afloat, to pay our employees and to keep the door open. now that everything has gone to pay the employees who haven't given a "you know what" and we have nothing, i made the demoralizing phone call to file for unemployment only to be told i don't qualify since i have had a paycheck for the 12 month period prior to filing! isn't that a peach! my life's savings, blood, sweat and tears are in a company and i get, pardon me, screwed again. i asked the woman at DES (div. of employment security) what i was going to do, i have two kids, and she tells me to apply for food stamps and medicaid......am i really living this? this has got to be a nightmare! at the age of 42 I am financially ruined, without health insurance and for all purposes up a creek without a paddle. WOW!
my father has had more strokes, the last one being several weeks ago....he has now gotten to the point where they will no longer be bringing him up to st. louis for treatment....there is nothing else the doctors can do....he will stay at the lake and receive therapy down there....good news is he came home this past week and will be able to receive his therapy at home....i feel terrible that at the age of 74 my father is in as poor health as he is....if what the professionals say is true, the strokes will continue with more frequency and severity....it is so sad to watch someone you love slip away....like alzheimer's (which his father had) it really is a long goodbye....
in the midst of all of the turmoil, olivia turned 12 and hadden turned 16....and yes, he did pass his driver's test...my consumption of alcohol has increased! just kidding :) where did the time go? it seems like yesterday she was 4 and he was 8....it goes by so quickly....in a blink of an eye they are grown....i want to go back...! i want a redo! DO OVER!......
i know we are not the only family with job troubles, failing health and kid crisis but sometimes it does feel like it.....at night when i lay in bed, unable to sleep, i remember how i felt as a kid after watching the "Wizard of Oz." The flying monkeys and the wicked witch scared the crap out of me and every year my mother insisted that i watch it....i would lay in bed and just shake...completely convinced they were coming for me.....it is the same feeling...fear...fear of the unknown...fear of the witch that is going to swoop through the air...steal my dog and pull the straw out of my friend....only this time, she's real...
after moving back to st. louis almost eight years ago and purchasing the family business from my father, lynn and I (but mostly Lynn) have been battling to make the business successful and profitable. after all these years, setbacks, challenges and battles, it has become clear that continuing is not going to happen for us. as with most company failures, there isn't just one reason why it has failed, but several, the major being employee scrap and lack of committment, not lack of work mind you...we have more work than we can handle..... in these times how terrible is that?
everything we have, every dollar we have saved, has been invested in the company. In September, 2008 we both stopped taking paychecks to reinvest the money back in the company. we cashed in every investment, retirement account, etc., to live off of these last 18 months to try to keep the company afloat, to pay our employees and to keep the door open. now that everything has gone to pay the employees who haven't given a "you know what" and we have nothing, i made the demoralizing phone call to file for unemployment only to be told i don't qualify since i have had a paycheck for the 12 month period prior to filing! isn't that a peach! my life's savings, blood, sweat and tears are in a company and i get, pardon me, screwed again. i asked the woman at DES (div. of employment security) what i was going to do, i have two kids, and she tells me to apply for food stamps and medicaid......am i really living this? this has got to be a nightmare! at the age of 42 I am financially ruined, without health insurance and for all purposes up a creek without a paddle. WOW!
my father has had more strokes, the last one being several weeks ago....he has now gotten to the point where they will no longer be bringing him up to st. louis for treatment....there is nothing else the doctors can do....he will stay at the lake and receive therapy down there....good news is he came home this past week and will be able to receive his therapy at home....i feel terrible that at the age of 74 my father is in as poor health as he is....if what the professionals say is true, the strokes will continue with more frequency and severity....it is so sad to watch someone you love slip away....like alzheimer's (which his father had) it really is a long goodbye....
in the midst of all of the turmoil, olivia turned 12 and hadden turned 16....and yes, he did pass his driver's test...my consumption of alcohol has increased! just kidding :) where did the time go? it seems like yesterday she was 4 and he was 8....it goes by so quickly....in a blink of an eye they are grown....i want to go back...! i want a redo! DO OVER!......
i know we are not the only family with job troubles, failing health and kid crisis but sometimes it does feel like it.....at night when i lay in bed, unable to sleep, i remember how i felt as a kid after watching the "Wizard of Oz." The flying monkeys and the wicked witch scared the crap out of me and every year my mother insisted that i watch it....i would lay in bed and just shake...completely convinced they were coming for me.....it is the same feeling...fear...fear of the unknown...fear of the witch that is going to swoop through the air...steal my dog and pull the straw out of my friend....only this time, she's real...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
last week....
as a parent there are times in which no amount of preparation can guide you in what to do....last week was one of those times for me....
monday evening i was sitting at my computer helping olivia with homework when my phone rang. olivia answered and said it was one of her friends from school, dakota, who's mother wanted to speak with me about hadden. "oh lord, what did he do now" was the first thought that popped into my head. i took the phone and said hello and began to clinch my teeth. now most of my friends know that hadden is a great kid. he is like a puppy that has just weaned from it's mother and is bounding around exploring new territory and finding what's out there. he is a great kid. he has many friends, is liked by his coaches and teachers, is funny and well-liked by his peers. many of his teachers have commented on hadden's natural leadership ability and have stated that his classmates look up to him and respect him. unfortunately, hadden is also a tad immature and can be quite mouthy is pushed too far. easy to say, he doesn't take any crap, let's just put it that way.
so back to the phone call....ronnie, dakota's mother, explained that dakota had been at a next door neighbor's house; this girl is apparently a junior at the same high school hadden attends. she explained that the girls had been on a speaker phone call with another high school student by the name of austin. during their conversation apparently my son's name can up and the young man told the girls he was going to bring a gun to school and shoot my son in the head. he said something to the effect that he had had enough of "hadden's crap" and was going to put an end to it. after hearing this dakota went home and told her mother and then her mother called me. i thanked ronnie and dakota and told dakota that she did the right thing to report this and how brave she was to do the right thing.
i was very thankful to have received this information. images of columbine started flashing through my head. the thought of someone hating my child so much caused me to start shaking violently. many people don't remember the school shooting in 1984 at parkway south jr. high (now middle school.) i had many friends at that school and one friend who was actually in the room when the shooting took place. i recently reconnected with her via facebook and during one of our conversations she brought up the shooting and said that it has haunted her every day of her life. i can't imagine witnessing such a horrible thing. i can't imagine anyone hating my son so much to want to kill him.
after taking a moment to try to calm myself, i grabbed the phone and made a phone call to the head principal of my son's school. thank God for all those volunteer hours i've put in that i had his cell phone number and thankfully he answered. i explained to him the situation, and with calmness he explained to me what our next steps were.
i had to place a phone call to the safe schools hotline, this number is set up by the STLCO police department to field threats such as these. an officer was sent to our home to whom i gave a report. he stated that he was going to go and speak with the young man to make sure he didn't have access to guns, etc. he stated that he would not interview the girls unless my husband and i decided we wanted to press charges. (oh, during all of this i had forgotten to call lynn! my mind was so focused on how to protect hadden i had completely forgotten to call him!) the officer left and then i called lynn.
as a little back ground the student, austin, who made this threat had been in a class last semester with hadden and had already received 10 days in school suspension for threatening him before. while the threat had been similar "i'm going to kill you" it did lack a weapon which apparently is the last straw and also said he was going to do it at school. this semester they do not have any classes together and austin continues to seek hadden out in his study hall class, to which he comes in and starts mouthing off to hadden and as hadden puts it "starts shit."
after discussing with lynn, we decided to press charges, especially since the threats have now increased in violence. enough was enough. the police officer called me back and stated that he had spoken with austin and his father and austin denied saying anything (i could have called that) and that he would never do anything and he was tired of hadden saying stuff, etc. i told the officer i didn't believe him and that we wanted to press charges through family court. the police officer told me that he would then take the girls statements.
thank God for snow......monday night snow began to fall and was enough to cancel school the next day. i was most thankful that it gave us a little extra time to figure out what we were going to do. monday night i did not sleep. whenever i closed my eyes i had horrible visions of a kid coming into hadden's classroom and pulling out a gun and shooting him. i woke up crying and just couldn't go back to sleep. hadden was very angry with me for reporting this to the police. he didn't take the threat seriously. he doesn't have the reference points we all do. he hasn't watched the grieving parents on tv to understand the enormity of the situation . in some ways i am thankful but i am also scared by this. unfortunately we live in a violent society (and world) were respect for human life is non-existent. as most people know, that violent mis-guided people have a way of making their plans play out. dylan klebold and eric harris did not have access to guns but they were able to obtain a lot of them illegally.
i spoke with dale (the principal) some more on tuesday. he explained to me what was going to happen on wednesday. he did a great job in trying to ally my fears but i kept seeing horrible images involving hadden. i wanted to take hadden to school on wednesday but he nearly blew a gasket about it, and i relented and allowed him to go with his friends as he normally does. dale told me that they would secure hadden the minute he walked through the door.
wednesday morning....presidents' forum meeting and i'm the president, oh crap, forgot about that! i had to be at the other side of the district. i start the meeting and start texting dale to make sure everything is ok. texts coming back "everything going as planned" "statements received from girls" "extra officers and detectives here" "austin has been detained" "hadden is safe" then a "please call me ASAP." CRAP! what did that mean? i had explained to my vp what was going on and told her i had to leave the room. since cell phone reception is non-existent inside our schools, i ran to the main office and used one of their phones. i called dale. he explained that austin had come to shool with his father, and again he denied making the threat, when the detective and police told him they had signed sworn statement that said otherwise, he did then admit it. per school policy he was immediately given a 10 out of school suspension. he will then have to have a meeting with the assistant superintendent and superintendent to review his file to decide whether he will be allowed back in school. i hope given the fact that he has threatened before that he isn't allowed to come back. to me he has gone too far, enough is enough. as i said to dale, can someone please tell me where his rights end and my child's rights begin?
so for now he isn't at school and i am resting a little easier.....not sure this will be the case next week when he is set to return.
monday evening i was sitting at my computer helping olivia with homework when my phone rang. olivia answered and said it was one of her friends from school, dakota, who's mother wanted to speak with me about hadden. "oh lord, what did he do now" was the first thought that popped into my head. i took the phone and said hello and began to clinch my teeth. now most of my friends know that hadden is a great kid. he is like a puppy that has just weaned from it's mother and is bounding around exploring new territory and finding what's out there. he is a great kid. he has many friends, is liked by his coaches and teachers, is funny and well-liked by his peers. many of his teachers have commented on hadden's natural leadership ability and have stated that his classmates look up to him and respect him. unfortunately, hadden is also a tad immature and can be quite mouthy is pushed too far. easy to say, he doesn't take any crap, let's just put it that way.
so back to the phone call....ronnie, dakota's mother, explained that dakota had been at a next door neighbor's house; this girl is apparently a junior at the same high school hadden attends. she explained that the girls had been on a speaker phone call with another high school student by the name of austin. during their conversation apparently my son's name can up and the young man told the girls he was going to bring a gun to school and shoot my son in the head. he said something to the effect that he had had enough of "hadden's crap" and was going to put an end to it. after hearing this dakota went home and told her mother and then her mother called me. i thanked ronnie and dakota and told dakota that she did the right thing to report this and how brave she was to do the right thing.
i was very thankful to have received this information. images of columbine started flashing through my head. the thought of someone hating my child so much caused me to start shaking violently. many people don't remember the school shooting in 1984 at parkway south jr. high (now middle school.) i had many friends at that school and one friend who was actually in the room when the shooting took place. i recently reconnected with her via facebook and during one of our conversations she brought up the shooting and said that it has haunted her every day of her life. i can't imagine witnessing such a horrible thing. i can't imagine anyone hating my son so much to want to kill him.
after taking a moment to try to calm myself, i grabbed the phone and made a phone call to the head principal of my son's school. thank God for all those volunteer hours i've put in that i had his cell phone number and thankfully he answered. i explained to him the situation, and with calmness he explained to me what our next steps were.
i had to place a phone call to the safe schools hotline, this number is set up by the STLCO police department to field threats such as these. an officer was sent to our home to whom i gave a report. he stated that he was going to go and speak with the young man to make sure he didn't have access to guns, etc. he stated that he would not interview the girls unless my husband and i decided we wanted to press charges. (oh, during all of this i had forgotten to call lynn! my mind was so focused on how to protect hadden i had completely forgotten to call him!) the officer left and then i called lynn.
as a little back ground the student, austin, who made this threat had been in a class last semester with hadden and had already received 10 days in school suspension for threatening him before. while the threat had been similar "i'm going to kill you" it did lack a weapon which apparently is the last straw and also said he was going to do it at school. this semester they do not have any classes together and austin continues to seek hadden out in his study hall class, to which he comes in and starts mouthing off to hadden and as hadden puts it "starts shit."
after discussing with lynn, we decided to press charges, especially since the threats have now increased in violence. enough was enough. the police officer called me back and stated that he had spoken with austin and his father and austin denied saying anything (i could have called that) and that he would never do anything and he was tired of hadden saying stuff, etc. i told the officer i didn't believe him and that we wanted to press charges through family court. the police officer told me that he would then take the girls statements.
thank God for snow......monday night snow began to fall and was enough to cancel school the next day. i was most thankful that it gave us a little extra time to figure out what we were going to do. monday night i did not sleep. whenever i closed my eyes i had horrible visions of a kid coming into hadden's classroom and pulling out a gun and shooting him. i woke up crying and just couldn't go back to sleep. hadden was very angry with me for reporting this to the police. he didn't take the threat seriously. he doesn't have the reference points we all do. he hasn't watched the grieving parents on tv to understand the enormity of the situation . in some ways i am thankful but i am also scared by this. unfortunately we live in a violent society (and world) were respect for human life is non-existent. as most people know, that violent mis-guided people have a way of making their plans play out. dylan klebold and eric harris did not have access to guns but they were able to obtain a lot of them illegally.
i spoke with dale (the principal) some more on tuesday. he explained to me what was going to happen on wednesday. he did a great job in trying to ally my fears but i kept seeing horrible images involving hadden. i wanted to take hadden to school on wednesday but he nearly blew a gasket about it, and i relented and allowed him to go with his friends as he normally does. dale told me that they would secure hadden the minute he walked through the door.
wednesday morning....presidents' forum meeting and i'm the president, oh crap, forgot about that! i had to be at the other side of the district. i start the meeting and start texting dale to make sure everything is ok. texts coming back "everything going as planned" "statements received from girls" "extra officers and detectives here" "austin has been detained" "hadden is safe" then a "please call me ASAP." CRAP! what did that mean? i had explained to my vp what was going on and told her i had to leave the room. since cell phone reception is non-existent inside our schools, i ran to the main office and used one of their phones. i called dale. he explained that austin had come to shool with his father, and again he denied making the threat, when the detective and police told him they had signed sworn statement that said otherwise, he did then admit it. per school policy he was immediately given a 10 out of school suspension. he will then have to have a meeting with the assistant superintendent and superintendent to review his file to decide whether he will be allowed back in school. i hope given the fact that he has threatened before that he isn't allowed to come back. to me he has gone too far, enough is enough. as i said to dale, can someone please tell me where his rights end and my child's rights begin?
so for now he isn't at school and i am resting a little easier.....not sure this will be the case next week when he is set to return.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
ok, let's try this out...
After reading a friend's blog, I decided I would take a stab at this blogging thing. I've done the Facebook thing for a while, but as a typical Gemini I am beginning to tire of it.
Don't know if anyone will ever read this, but thought that perhaps just putting some words down would be theraputic.....
Don't know if anyone will ever read this, but thought that perhaps just putting some words down would be theraputic.....
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